Jeff's core personality.

I will take a moment to describe a few other points of Jeff's personality in an attempt to fill in the picture a bit more fully.

We were a family of nine and all laundry was supposed to be done with the washer and dryer standing empty ready to recieve the first item of dirty laundry from the day. The dishwasher and sink were to be empty and ready for the first dish. Beds should be made, toys and other items picked up at all times etc. I was not only unable to live up to these standards, I refused to flagellate myself for it as well! Jeff refused to eat my cooking; sitting in front of a full plate at dinner every night. He also had no desire to be intimate with me. Aproximately once a month he seemed to feel the inescapable desire for sexual gratification and we would 'copulate' In his words - he would 'enter me'. And that's all it was. We had a king size bed in which he slept on the very edge on his side facing away from me. All of this started before J ever came along. Jeff didn't like me to touch him. Not on the arm, shoulder, anywhere. Certainly not at a movie, scary or otherwise. Hand holding? Inappropriate.

We were deeply in debt as well. Somehow Jeff had accrued $140,000 in student debt. -A student myself now, I don't even see how that's possible, but that's what was listed in our divorce decree. He possessed multiple credit cards with outrageous interest rates that were completely maxed out. There were several times he stood and yelled at me because I refused to apply for additional cards in my name. I erroneously believed that this would save me from the mountainous debt he was incurring. Our garbage was no longer being picked up and was piled high in the garage. Our electricity was even shut off for a short period of time in January. (We live in the northern midwest where temp's hit lows of -40 degrees in January.) When I asked for money for something as simple as a couple of pair of jeans for one of the boys I was told "we just don't have the money right now". -But how could this be? Jeff was making over $3000 a month. He had already disappeared my inheritance of $130,000 when we sold the house I owned prior to our marriage. (It didn't go into the house we purchased together afterward.) We were constantly negative in our bank account with bank fees piling up into the negative hundreds at times! Where was our money going??? I still don't know.

This was also the year Jeff told me he 'didn't love me anymore' in a flat, emotionless voice. To be followed up a couple of months later with "I never loved you, I only married you because I knew you would give me a boy." I spent that last year looking into the coldest eyes I have ever seen.

As I said, it was time to go.