The Second Year...

Jeff enjoyed taking baby J when he went on one errand or another. Sweet, but I thought frustrating, as there were five other children at home who wanted to be out with Dad even if only for a quick run around town and they were aware of being left behind. Baby J was still snoozing life away whether in our arms or carseat-bound. J's older brothers absolutely adored him and held him constantly. We all felt pride that our baby never cried. He was never given the opportunity! In a split second he would be picked up, fed, entertained and loved.

After only a short while Jeff began expressing irritation with the older children. He didn't like them holding the baby, didn't like the 'way' they played with him; they were too loud or too boisterous or conversely they didn't keep his attention enough! By the time J was a year old Jeff had clearly drawn the line between J and the rest of the children. This is when I began hearing how my children were 'genetically inferior ' to his child. (We have some OCD's and depression in my family and their father's family.) By the time J was two, we were living in the Twilight Zone.

How it began for us...

When I met my ex-husband I was a 28 yr old divorced mother of five. Jeff was perfect. I mean reeeeally perfect. Active in our church, handsome and fascinated with my children, I believed I had found the man with whom God wanted us to ride off into the sunset. We married and a year later had our first child together. It is important to note and appreciate that marrying a woman with as many children as I had would be an impressive feat for any man - fabulous though he may be - but my ex had been single for (essentially) his entire adult life. Now 40 yrs old with no practical marital experience and no children he attempted to take the helm. I would say things went smoothly for the most part, he was overly strict - as one who has done their best parenting 'pre-child' might be, but the kids took to him. Everything changed, however, when we had our first baby. Naturally this was an incomparable thrill for him as it is for any parent and also, naturally, he had stronger feelings for this baby than he had for my older ones. All perfectly normal and understandable and understand I did....